Things that make you go......

Couldn't think of a good title today, so thought I'd make you decide how to finish it.

My week has been a pretty good week. Still really struggling with food choices. We had a great day at the beach. By habit, I took chips. I haven't ate chips in almost 6 weeks and I once I started to eat them, the whole "3 bite rule" went out the window. However, I'm here today admitting that I may have ate plenty of Ketchup chips for the next year, but I'm Going to get this healthy thing up to par.

I've done my walking and have enjoyed eating salads. I LOVE salad to the core. However, I'm not seeing the results I'd like to, and in all honesty am feeling a little frustrated. I know that what I put into my mouth is probably the key reason I'm not losing as "fast" as I'd like. Therefore, starting right now... I WILL do my best and do it 100%.

I got a great email message today from a friend that I haven't seen in years. She sent me an encouraging e-mail to remind me that God is my security. I think by now, you probably have all figured out that I am a little "insecure" with my body. I too believe that I'm insecure with plain old ME! My friend has been reading a book by Beth Moore. She told me she's learned TONS from it. I must search for this book and read it myself. One thing that my friend said she learned from Beth Moore was " Insecurity will hold us back from fulfilling the call God has on our lives. He will not force "security" on us and no one else can give it to us. Insecurity is not a weakness...it is a form of unbelief." Boy did that "kick me in the pants" in a good way. Did I not just say that I was struggling with "the call" God has for me?? I do believe that my weight loss journey is not just for weight loss but also for me becoming a secure women of God. He does have a call for me, and I want to be secure enough in me and him, to do his will.

God is my life. Some of you that are reading this may know this or not. My life is for him. My husband and I live each day wanting to do God's will. We've been through up's and down's. We've moved a distance from family feeling "called" to Smiths Falls. I just want to live for him. I also want to see others "live" for him. Some people ask me "Why do you believe in a God that you don't even see". I say this. "I do see God. I see him in the beauty of our Earth, I see him in my children, I see him in my life and I can feel him when I sing" Who would have thought that a "Girl" from Ayton would be working in different communities, teaching and sharing the Love of God. My life proves to me that Yes there is a God. I'm not about debating or arguing until I'm blue in the face about God, that's not me. I don't feel intellectual enough to do so either.. I just want to show God's Love. It's that simple to me. I wish it was for others. I also believe because the day my Grandfather passed, he called my "name", his last words were "Heidi, Heidi, Heidi" and the REASON he called my name is because he had accepted Jesus on his deathbed, and I told him I was jealous that he was going to see my best friend. I told him to call my name when he saw him. HE DID!! not just once but 3 times. I can never ever forget that moment in my life. This story of my Grandfather is a much LONGER one, that I'd love to share with any of you. Maybe I'll blog it some other day.

I guess what I'm saying today is. I will not give up on this journey. I also believe that there is a purpose for me, and I am going to live it out with Confidence, joy and perseverance.

Thanks so much for reading this and encouraging me. I have fallen in love with Blogging. I feel like this is a great way for me to "express" what's really happening in me. I find that I can express myself much better in writing. It's such a pleasure. Until next time.

Be blessed

Heidi


Thought of the day.
John 4:19

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the satisfaction for our sins"

Hot, Hot hot

Hello World.

It's hot outside and my little man is completely beside himself. I wish I could make things better for him, but all I can do is comfort him and show him that I love him.
Then I noticed that I myself am extremely irritable too. I don't understand how we can HATE winter and HATE the heat. This just doesn't make sense to me. God gave us Canadians the 4 seasons. However, I am starting to think we just have Winter and Summer.

With the heat, it is hard to go walking too. I am at this point "out of shape" and find this heat takes my breath away. Good thing I'm not on the "Biggest Loser" show or they'd be "HOLLERING" at me.

I was back down 2lbs so I was very content with that. I am drinking plenty b/c I noticed that my legs were swollen with fluid today. This happens to me when it's hot. More water is needed.

My friend Barb is sending me a "Care package" in the mail that I'm totally excited about. Barb has called it "you are Beautiful Care package". This is for my inner beauty as well as somethings to pamper me by. HOW COOL IS THAT!!!! I can't wait and feel completely blessed! God knows when his children need a "boost" and he used Barb to do this in my life. Thank you Barb. I totally appreciate you!!!

Everyone reading this. Whatever journey you are on. Don't give up. I wont either. I just wish that Ice cream wasn't so good and COLD!! :)

Thanks for reading

THought of the Day

"Matthew 7:12
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."

Great Week-end for my God life.. Bad week-end for my body life

Hello World.

It's been a while, therefore you are probably guessing that I haven't been doing so well on this journey. I will get back to this in a moment. I want to share about my week-end and what's on my mind

I went away this week-end to a "youth" conference. It's funny that they are geared towards teenagers, yet I learned soooo much this week-end for myself. I LOVE worship. I feel closet when I'm singing my heart out to God. Some say I have a gift, I say "I just do it for him". I do feel though, that if it is a gift, that I haven't been walking in it for years. I feel that my call to be a mother is my most important "call" at this point. However, if I was completely honest, I struggle with the fact that I'm not taking part in worship the way my mind has a picture of it. I got the privilege of listening and worshiping with a TALENTED, gifted, anointed women of God, "Amanda Falk", WOW God is using her in such amazing ways. Her music is incredible and you can sense the spirit God all around her. I told Larry that I was almost envious, which is a total SIN that I have struggled with my entire life. Not envious of her voice, but envious of the fact that she's doing what I would LOVE to do with my life. Getting travel to sing and bring others into the presence of God. That is a dream of mine. Maybe someday that will be me, but I don't know how to even begin. I would LOVE to make a CD, I would LOVE to write more music. I would love to be asked to sing at conferences and lead others in worship. However, this feeling of "It may be too late" started to seep into my mind. Is that truth or a lie?? I'm not sure. A verse that's going into my mind is "I know the plans I have you for" Therefore I will trust, I will move forward, and see what God has in store. I just know that this desire to do what "Amanda Falk" does, feels impossible when my first call is to be a "MOTHER" of 3 beauties. This is my inner struggle that I've just totally opened myself up to Everyone that is reading this. I will see what will become of my music and my future. God knows and I will have to trust him. I want to make sure that my desire to do this is not of selfishness, but of pure thoughts and mind. I just love God and want my music to inspire others to listen and worship him with everything they've got.

Okay so now that I've shared that. On to my weight journey. It's not been horrible, however after a week-end away of eating out and not really being active. I weighed myself this morning and was horrified that I gained 4lbs. It will come off and I'm not worried about it. Just sad that I haven't been as determined as I was a month ago. Saying this, I am committed to getting back on track. I am committed to getting healthy, so that I may bless my God. I feel like taking care of the body he gave me, is a way to worship and thank him for allowing me on this planet.

I hung out with some teenagers that are absolutely beautiful, yet they don't see it. My heart ached for them. I want to be an example and Love my body, love my outer beauty. However I am having major self confidence issues. I honestly feel attacked by the enemy. When I eat, I feel like others are watching in disgust. How sad is that. I feel sometimes like a hypocrite. Telling my teenagers, that they need to Love themselves inside and out. Yet I can't seem to do it myself. Practicing what you preach is honestly a very HARD thing to do.

I know this post is a little "downer" but this is a great way for me to "release" what's inside. Being a Pastor's wife, I sometimes think I keep a lot inside. Which is sooooo wrong. We are just as human as anyone else. We have our ups and our downs.

I am confident that I'm going to hit my goals. I am confident that I'm going to get healthy. I am confident that God is going to use me in such a "HUGE" way that I can't even imagine. I just want to be a vessel for God's will. I just want to see my friends who don't know Jesus' learn to know him and have relationship with him. Jesus' changed me and I am forever thankful.

I hope that you are all doing well in your walks and journey. Keep going and don't give up. I won't if you won't!

We are heading out this afternoon for a family "hike" and Picnic. I'm looking forward to this "family" time. Thanks for reading my blog. You all inspire me to do better.

Thought of the day "Stop complaining, get off your donkey and do something about it". (that came from my husband.. I just LOVE him)

Be blessed

Heidi

I will NOT Give up!

Hello World..

It's been a few days, but I've been doing okay. Ice cream is my weakness, I must admit. However, I was down another .2lbs I'm at 229, which makes me very happy, out of the 30's. I do admit I haven't been very active this week. Must get my butt in gear!

I am walking tomorrow with my walking buddy. I'm hoping for no rain, good weather. I absolutely LOVE walking. I'm sure it will perk my spirits. I've been having a few "sad" days. Not sure why? Probably "lack of sleep". Our car also has to be "fixed", which means that our "flooring" will not be happening until another time. I was REALLY looking forward to laminate flooring in our living room/hall way. However, things happen and I must move on from my disappointment. Life doesn't always work out the way I want it to. Argh to that.

This week-end we are heading to Oshawa with 11 teenagers and 2 other leaders, to a Youth convention. It will be a blast and I'm looking forward to seeing what God has in store for them. A majority of our teens have NEVER been to something like this before, so it will be interesting. I'm a little nervous since Preston will be joining us. I'm really hoping he'll be in good spirits while we're away. I'm hoping you'll all pray for our group and for Preston, Larry and myself. I just LOVE watching God work. Here's hoping for a great time!!!

For those of you who are on this journey with me. Keep going.. I will too.

Thought of the day is "Go to my last post and see Alanna's comment"

thanks World..

Kozlofhenhoff (why do I use this name, you all know it's me)

Motivation needed

Hello World,

I have to admit that this week, hasn't been a great week of eating. I need to come back to the basics of veggies/Fruit. We went to Ottawa yesterday, and I was proud. I had a "Salad" at subway. Much better choice then fast food. However, I haven't had the chance to "walk" or do steps, so I'm feeling a little "frumpy" this morning.

Mikayla is still not 100% yet, so it's made life a little stressful. She's very sore and whiny. I don't blame her though, I too would be the same if I had a sore neck. Such a tender spot. She's such a Gem, even though she's feeling "yucky" she's still in her room SINGING her heart out. What a girl!!!!

I think I'm having writers block, because I honestly don't have much to write about today. I'll keep you informed with how things are.

Signing off

Kozlofhenhoff

Not Proud but will continue on

Hello All.

My Journey has hit it's first and hopefully last "binge". It started on Wednesday, when I was waiting to hear about Mikayla and her ER Visit. I was starting to feel a little stressed and went to the food cupboard. I think I found whatever I could and put it in my mouth. :( I ate a lot on Wednesday and haven't weighed myself since. I'm not "giving up" on this journey, I just had a BAD day.

Yesterday I went for an hour walk and it felt great. Great to walk with a friend, chat about life and move forward. I did go to Pizza Hut with this friend afterwards for lunch. I tried to eat a LOT of salad and a few pieces of pizza. Probably not the most healthy thing to do, but the fellowship was much needed and loved.

Today I am going to have to take some time and do some "steps" because I won't have any time to walk or do any exercise for the rest of the week.

The battle of the buldge is a lot harder then I think I first thought. However, it took 8 years to put this on. It's going to take some time.

Signing off for now.

Thought of the day "patience is a virtue"

Kozlofhenhoff

I need to Practice what I preach

My journey is going well. I'm down another .2 (which is nothing but still its down) I'm eating less and moving more. I'm very excited about my process. I'm loving the feeling of success, but know that I will have my days of "toughness" (is that a word?)

I'm still not feeling very well and Larry's cold is a lot worse then mine. I gave him a hard time last night. I find that whenever I'm sick, he's worse off. Therefore, I can't complain ;)

The other day I talked about "worry" and how it's silly to worry. However this morning Mikayla woke up and showed us something on the back of her neck that woke her up. I called the Dr to see what we should do. They suggested bringing her in to the ER. I'm sure it's just a little infection, but it's hard not to worry, when it involves your children. At this moment Larry is hanging out with Mikayla at the ER, waiting to be looked at. I'm at home with the boys. I am wishing I could be there, but at this moment, it's not possible, we didn't want to take all 3 kiddo's to the ER. Somedays it would be so nice to be at 2 places at once. I'm thankful that Larry was able to take her. I'm just sitting waiting for any word. Not exactly my idea of fun.

Well, I will keep you all posted. I'm sure everything will be fine. Poor Mikayla wasn't all that enthused about visiting the Doctors. She is a little nervous about Doctors, Dentists, ect..

Thanks for reading my blog. God is so good to me, to have friends like you. I am blessed

Thought of the day. "Just do it"

Kozlofhenhoff

Vitamin C

Today my hubby and I are "down and out" with a horrible cold. Our heads are achy, our noses full, our sinus hurting and the thought of exercise is just out of the picture :( I haven't gone on WII fit today and don't plan on it either. Today is a day of rest and Vitamin C

Larry's boss is gone for the week. It's crazy that he's fallen ill again. This time however he can work. I find it so ironic, that when the Cat is gone the mouse gets sick.

Preston too has come down with something. He's irritable and very unhappy. He's normally such a happy go lucky baby. Both times that I've come down with a sore throat, he ends up screaming for over an hour. Poor little man. He seems pretty relaxed today, but last night was a "stressful" evening.

I hope that all of you are keeping healthy and in wonderful spirits. Life is so much fun, you never know what the next day will bring.

I honestly don't have much to write today and my head feels a little muffled. I am waiting now for my children to return from school. Hoping for good reports for Bennet.

Signing off.

Thought of the day "Vitamin C" is our friend!

Kozlofhenhoff

Fear is not Fun!!!

Okay. It's taken me a few days. When I did my weigh in on Friday, I was UP and was very frustrated. I didn't want to tell the whole World that I was UP again. So I took a break on weighing myself and worked HARD with my eating and exercise this week-end. I was very reluctant this morning to get on the WII fit. However, I'm determined and and know that I'm on a journey that's not always going to be "good news". I went on and was just under 230lbs. I was over joyed, such a good feeling to know that I'm down 6lbs since I started this journey- 4lbs to go to hit 10lbs. Very very happy!! I must not be discouraged but keep going. 29lbs to go before I get my outfit from my Mom. I CAN do this. To my followers who are on this journey with me, KEEP going!! Don't give up. I won't if you won't!

My Mother's Day was fantastic. My little school aged children brought me home gifts that they made at school. Sooooo cute. Larry wouldn't let me do housework, even though I helped to laundry. We then went to visit some friends for the evening. I was missing my family yesterday. This visit was MUCH needed. I find when "special" holidays or days occur, I tend to get a little "homesick" I know that we are called to Smiths Falls and I LOVE this town and our church family. On these days I tend to get homesick. Reason is that most families in the church have family get together's, which they are allowed. However, due to the fact that our family lives so far away from us, we end up hanging with ourselves. Which I'm not complaining because I am blessed to have my family, don't get me wrong. I just really MISS our families on days like yesterday.

I am a blessed girl and am thankful for the life I have. Who would have thought that I'd be married to a Pastor. Who would have thought that I'd be a mother of 3 beauties. I am extremely blessed and want to shout out a THANK YOU to my father in Heaven.

Dear Alanna..
Maybe when I hit my goal. I'll have to do "the thing" that you waited 29 years for. I do remember my Marl lake adventures, but I don't think that I could do this today. However, if I hit my goal. I just possibly may. :)

Be blessed everyone

Thought of the day

"Life is too short to worry about the food we eat and the clothes we wear. Life is but a mist. Enjoy everyday like it is your last. Worry is overrated anyways"

Love you all

Kozlofhenhoff

I actually Ran Today

Hello World... I was thinking back to when I was in Grade 7 and 8. I used to Cross country run. Why can't I do this now? My walking buddy came today and has decided to "push" me past my comfort of just walking. The last 100 meters (I know not that far.. but for me was far enough), I jogged. It was great the first 50 meters but I began to feel horrible the last 50 meters. She kept pushing me, "you can do it Heidi, you can do it" I kept going, complaining, but kept going. Then we cheered when I completed the run. It felt good, and shameful that I was sooooo out of breath. I told her how embarrassed I was, yet excited that I could do this. I hope I can do 200 meters next time :)

We have been seeing signs all over the place that say "Where is Franktown?" This is an annual run 1km 5km or 10km run for the Christian School in this area. Our goal is to do the 5km run next year. I am confident that with learning how to "breath" while running, I WILL and CAN do this. I'm excited about this journey!!

This picture is a before shot. I put it on to remind me to keep going. I was .4lb up. I'm stuck on 231, but I know with lots of work, I WILL get below the 230 mark within days. I'm eating well and am excited b/c Dairy Queen has a "fudge" bar that has I believe 35 to 45 caleries. So when I'm craving ice cream, I now have a treat that I too can have. Just not every day or the whole box in one day!!!

Do want to know what I think is really amazing. I know that 2 of my followers are in this journey with me. I want you all to know that IF you are on this journey. WE CAN DO IT!!!


The thought of the day (which I don't do everyday.. I really should though) is a Verse that keeps going on in my head is "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7

Thanks

Heidi Kozlof

I am the Same

Hello World.

I'm hoping all is well with everyone. Yesterday was an uneventful day. We awoke early with our little P-boy (I bet he'll hate that nickname), I did my morning routine. I am the same, no weight loss. I've been up and down all week. My first little "rut". I'm sure this will pass.

Today I was down a little. I'm ALMOST at 5lbs. It's taken a while to get to the 5, but I'm OH so close.

I've been watching some of my friends on facebook, who seem to be in a journey themselves. They look fantastic. I almost didn't recognize the husband. It's so encouraging to see others in a journey like mine.

Bennet's teacher called today. He wasn't having a great morning. It was very discouraging. Bennet is having insomnia and can not fall asleep. He's not getting a good night sleep, which makes it hard for him to function. I pray that whatever is going on with him, that I have the guidance and wisdom on how to help him.

I have a little vent today. Every person is different from each other. We all have different personalities. It hurts me when people don't realize this. Some people are "shy", this doesn't make them a "snob" or "stuck up"- This makes them "shy". Let us not be so quick to judge others, let us be quick to "Get to know each other", then you may realize, that this person is actually an amazing person, who loves God and loves others.

There I feel better now.

Thanks for reading. Hope to have more time tonight. As soon as I get started, Preston starts a screaming.

Bye for now

Missed day and Missed morning

O.k, so I've missed one day.. I know.. I'm bad :( Where to begin...

Today is a special day in my life, today is the day I celebrate my anniversary with my dear hubby. We've been married 8 years today. I couldn't ask for a better husband, father and best friend. I hope he feels the same. I do have to admit that I may not have treated him with Love and Respect at 3:00am this fine morning. Preston wanted to feed, and then stay up. I wanted to feed him, then go to bed. These two actions, just don't work. I began feeling frustrated as my "AMAZING" husband was sleeping. Then I thought to myself,
"If I can't sleep, then he shouldn't either" I must admit, I was being very selfish at this point. I awoke him with an abrupt.. "WAKE UP" He was confused, and probably not amused all at the same time. He asked me if I wanted him to take Preston. Then I huffed and puffed and became very irritated because I didn't know what I wanted to do. I actually did want Larry to sleep, as I knew that it was an early morning for him, but I too wanted to sleep. What do I do? How do I answer? Was I pleasant? Not a chance. Does my husband Love me?? Yes and boy am I blessed. I ended up getting Preston back to sleep for a little bit. Then at 6:00am, Larry took him out to the living room. Preston didn't want Daddy, he wanted Mommy. I was a little bit calmer then before, and was able to cuddle with my little man. Poor Larry. What do I expect?? I think sometimes I can't make up my mind at what I want that it leaves Larry guessing. Then when he guess incorrectly, I'm upset. I don't get me!! He probably doesn't either. However, I do have to say, I am 100% blessed to have a man who Loves me, but Loves God even more. He's everything that I prayed for and more. I know I'm getting all "gushy" but honestly, "The best 8 years of my life" I can't wait to spend the next 50+ years with this man. I wonder if I'll still be grumpy at 65 or 70. "Larry, wake up you old man"!! I can just hear me. Larry if you're reading this "I love you so very much. Thank you for handling my grumpiness, thank you for loving me no matter what I look like, Thank you for making me feel beautiful. You are my best friend and I Really do treasure you. I hope you'll forgive me for my grumpiness at 3:00am this morning.. Love you"

O.k enough about Larry and our marriage. On to my journey. Well yesterday I was down .4lbs. I haven't weighed myself today. I will tomorrow morning. Food wise is well. I'm excited b/c the kiddo's are going to have "whole wheat Pasta and sauce" and Larry and I are having Spaghetti Squash and sauce. Great veggie and feels like we're having Pasta when we're not. I have had some "cookies" today. They were there and I didn't stop myself. Which I'm okay about,just as long as this doesn't become a constant habit. Life is great. I feel blessed. Thanks for walking with me on my journey.

Dedication Day!!!

Today was a special day for Preston and our family. We dedicated him to the Lord in front of my parents and sister and our church family. This is a special day for us as we make a pledge to teach our son in the ways of our faith. We love this tradition as it makes us accountable as parents.

We had a nice lunch with one of our teens that have moved away, and my family. I behaved too and had a "turkey wrap" and salad. I think I've done pretty well. I have had some ice cream this week-end. And I didn't weigh myself today. I am really hoping I won't be up tomorrow morning ;)

Not much to share today.. Just hanging with my family watching Alvin and the Chipmunks 2.

Be blessed

Kozlofhenhoff

Down!!

Well I awoke this morning in anticipation of getting on the WII and doing my body test. As I got on I closed my eyes and prayed, "please be down, please be down" and to my surprise I was back down to where I was before I gained the last 2 days. So I'm very very happy with the results. I was a little surprised though, because last night we had a "surprise" celebration with the youth, for 2 of our leaders who just had a baby boy. I decided I wouldn't Pass on the ice cream cake, b/c I would later "crave" it if I did. Diary Queen should be called DEVIL Queen!! LOL

Last night was a really neat night. Our youth group met at the church and did a photo scavenger hunt and then ended at our house to surprise the two new parents. It was a smaller group that showed up, but really neat to see them connect with the other leaders. One boy was in a head lock (play one) with one of our guy leaders. Just to see them bonding was extraordinary. I love how our youth leaders are passionate about the teens. I pray that this Love will rub off on them and they too will "pass it on". Yet as I was observing our youth, what a World we live in. Two of them were texting each other back and forth, while sitting beside each other.. WHAT IS THAT?? IT makes me laugh, and I just don't understand the concept. I guess I am getting older, I am creeping to the big 3-0.

The big 3-0. Wow in 5 months I will no longer be in my twenties, which I guess is why I really do want to get healthy. I remember when my Dad was 35 he had some "heart" issues and I just don't want to go down that road. My Dad is doing well now, but it still rings in my mind, what he and our family went through when he was rushed and stayed in the hospital. I remember that Dad didn't want us to visit him, because he was hooked up to monitors and all the equipment to keep him healthy. I remember Dad walking for hours afterwards, getting his heart back into shape. I remember this and realize that I am now entering the age bracket where he became ill. I MUST keep going, I MUST stay healthy for my self and my family!! I WILL do this and I'm glad you are all on my journey. It's great having some accountability. I just love it!!

Well I hope you have a blessed day. I know that I will. I'm just waiting for my parents and sister to arrive.

Kozlofenhoff (Heidi)